Subject:
From:
Date: | Re: [ECS] Re: Calculation of dates
Kevin Trainor
Wed, 15 Nov 2000 17:37:15 -0600 |
Wed, 15 Nov 2000 17:37:15 -0600
Does this mean that Her Majesty will begin paying taxes here too? It may be a better
deal for us than you might think.
----- Original Message -----
From: Tony James
To: ecs-list@netbloc.com
Sent: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 3:42 PM
Subject: [ECS] Re: Calculation of dates
Hey AJ
Seems you won't need to calculate the Election day any more!!!
Regards
Tony
(Sure hope my American cousins have a sense of humour ;-) )
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have
until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister
for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced
with immediate effect:
1.. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look
up "Aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly
you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed".
2.. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3.. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really
isn't that hard.
4.. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5.. You should re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but
only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give
up half way through.
6.. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football.
What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who
are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else
plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get
together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7.. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give
you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your
borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde"
is French for "****".
8.. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national
holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9.. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good.
When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10.. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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